An aside, when I sit up in my bed there is a very deliberate ritual I go through. All the stars have to be in alignment in terms of pillow placement, etc. I spend a lot of time in the aforementioned manner, therefore having a vast array of paraphernalia on the bedside table and around the bed on the floor. My back is a wreck so I have to sit on a thick pillow with 2 thinner pillows to my back with one of them folded over providing lumbar support. I then place another of the thickest pillows on my lap where I then place my laptop. Coffee and other beverages along with TUMS, a clock radio, a lamp, a box of Vicks Kleenex and a roll of toilet paper (I use the toilet paper when I can, hoarding the Vicks Kleenex for "special occasions"), numerous pairs of glasses, lotions, etc.
So.....I'm settling back into bed and the house phone rings and some guy leaves a message
wanting to know something about a meeting today that my husband has information about. Freddy (my husband) is in Hot
Springs with a friend so I try to get the guy's number off the caller ID because I
didn't answer the phone and just let him leave a message. The caller ID isn't
lighting up again, for some reason. (All of our house phones need to be piled up
and burned). So I have to go through a million messages to find his number. I
finally get it and it wasn't easy because the piece of shit answering machine
keeps changing the days so today was saying Monday but you never know which day
it's going to tell you it is so you can't just skim through according to days.
So I get the number, go back into the bedroom to call Freddy and give him the
guy's number. I sit on the bed, put the computer back on my lap and somehow knock my huge, purple protein and blueberry shake off the bedside
table but I miraculously manage to catch it with my forearm and I'm able to hold
his against the side of the bedside table to keep it from hitting the floor but
when I lean into the shake to stabilize it till I can grab it with my other
hand, my computer starts to slide off the pillow on my lap and head for the
floor. So I have to turn back around to move the computer but then the shake
starts to fall so I lean back into the shake to hold it back against the bedside
table but then the computer starts to slide, again. So somehow I manage to sort
of swoop the shake back onto the table but at some point, the lid comes loose
and blueberry shake goes
All. Over. Everything.
I mean it's 4 feet up on the wall, it's on the
lampshade, its on the piece of shit house phone on the bedside table, it’s on
the clock radio, it's on every electric cord and the entire power strip on the
floor beside the bed, it's on all 3 pairs of glasses on the table, on every
bottle and roll of toilet paper and kleenex box on the table. It's all down the front of me, on the
upholstery on the sleep number bed (that will be there from now on, won't wipe
off), on the duvet cover, the pillows, the floor on the computer screen, on the
wall to the left of the beside table, on all the back massage things on the
floor beside the bed.
Meanwhile, I've already dialed Freddy and he's
answering the phone in his truck on his way back to his friends's house from Hot Springs only
to hear a loud, shreiking "FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!" on my end and probably
thinks I've been scalded or had a wreck, or something. I regain my composure
enough to tell him what's happened and to give him the number only I can't find
the piece of paper I wrote it on. I finally find it and he tells me he
doesn't have a pen and is driving and must call me back.
I should've taken a picture of it but didn't think to
do so. All I could think was what a mess it was and how long it was
going to take me to clean it up.
How quickly things turn to shit.
